Friday, January 8, 2010

Issues of Life: Why Do Christian Married Men Cheat? Why Do Men Cheat?

Why Do Christian Married Men Cheat? Why Do Men Cheat? seems like this topic is too controversial for a Christian magazine. And why are we asking "Why"? Shouldn't we ask how to avoid and stop it? Well, in order to answer the "How", we need to know the "Why". And this topic has become controversial because, I think, no one has really answered it directly. Let us try.

After my research, here are some reasons why married men cheat. Don' said, "Simply because they can". Matthew J. Shieltz, eHow contributing writer, said that it is estimated that 30-60% of all married individuals have an affair at some point of their marriage and that in the U.S., divorce rate is 1 in 2. These are his reasons why men cheat:

1) Husband's needs are not met--physical, psychological, emotional and social. He says, if he doesn't receive these at home, he'll look somewhere else. Another source, listed 'loss of ego' which they explain that 'feeling good about himself' is a primary need of men. They also listed 'boredom' as another issue.

2) Opportunity -- I think the ratio now in the Philippines is 1 man to 7 women. There really are some women out there who are out to get a partner even if they know he is married. But that's no excuse for married men.

3) Impulsivity  -- a feeling of excitement that they're doing something wrong. 

4) Jealousy  -- if the wife have done so, so therefore, 'an-eye-for-an-eye'.

And so, these, they say, are reasons why married men cheat in the world. Now, let's look at what have to say about why Christian married men cheat. They say that before someone can overcome a problem, first they need to admit there is a problem. They say that 2008 statistics indicate that Christian divorce rates are higher than non-Christian divorce rates. Whaaat? Why? 

In their web page, they quoted Gary Smalley as saying, "As a whole, Christian married couples are doing well except in the area of sex and in that area, Christian marriages are 'frozen'. Whooa, shy naman! But let's go on. One problem, they say, in Christian marriages is that sometimes husbands and wives don't agree on what is permissible in sexual matters. Amos 3:3 says, "Can two walk together except they are agreed?" And so, what is permissible in the marriage bedroom? Here are some of their answers using Biblical principles.

1) Heb 13:4 (NKJV) "Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled..." This teaches us that what a husband and wife do in the bedroom is 'undefiled' or 'not sinful'.

2) 1 Cor 6:12 (NIV) "Everything is permissible for me, but not everything is beneficial. Everything is permissible for me, but I will not be mastered by anything". According to them, God gives married couples freedom in the bedroom, however the married couple should use this freedom wisely to discover what helps their marriage.

3) Matt 5:28 (NKJV) "But I say to you, whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart".  This was spoken by Jesus. We should not covet to have sex with someone who is not our spouse. Coveting is when we want it so much that it interferes with our relationship with God and with others. I agree.

4) 1 Cor 7:3-5 (NKJV) "Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have the authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time..."  One problem which they refer to is sex synchronization--when one spouse (typically the husband) wants sex more often than the other spouse. It is important for a husband and wife to fulfill each other's sexual desires; their bodies belong to one another and they must agree on what they need to do.

So, now, you be the judge. Are these answers sufficient? Ah, but Jesus is the great Judge of us all. He knows what to do in every situation of our life, if we submit to His word and His will. Therefore, we must pray--pray first that our husbands will never be tempted and second, that "greater is He who is in him that he that is in the world" so he can overcome or return to the Lord and to his wife.

My husband and I had our share of up-and-down relationship when we were not yet  born-again. I thank God that since 1999, when we received our Lord, our relationship with one another has grown close with an intimacy that I cannot explain. It's one that is spiritual because of the unconditional love, yet also emotional and psychological because of the sense of security and care that come from the kisses and caresses and ....shhh... the other thing.


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