Keeping Your Teenager From Smoking, Drugs, Alcohol

ISSUES OF LIFE /FAMILY: Keeping Your Teenager from Smoking, Drugs, Alcohol

     Adolescence is that stage of life wherein a person is no longer a child but not yet an adult. Although adolescence may start earlier, it usually start at the onset of a child's teenage years, a time when he/she  starts to seeks his/her own identity and seeks the approval of peers--a group outside his/her own family. That is why this is also the stage when parents, more or less, shift to a higher gear in raising their teens. Realizing that, unlike when they were kids, they could not be with their teens 24/7, concerns about peer pressure and influence would arise, together with smoking, drugs, and alcohol addictions. 

     So how do we keep our teens from smoking, drugs, alcohol and other forms of vices which are harmful to their health and well-being? Remember, what we first learned before, that our own life is our child's training ground. Whatever we do, they think they can also do. So if you don't want your child to smoke, you should not smoke also. I was guilty of this as I smoked while my baby grew into a child until I stopped when she was already 11 years old. When I was still smoking, she used to imitate me with her lollipop stick and I used to tell her that it's bad what I was doing and she shouldn't do that also. But of course, I was kidding myself. When I stopped smoking, I had a long talk with my 11 year old, me and her Dad, and we explained to her why we stopped--first, because smoking is not good for the health; second, because we don't want to die but live longer and be with her long; and third, because we love her so much, we also don't want her to inhale the smoke so she would remain healthy and strong. And after explaining this, we urged her not to do the same for the same reasons. So, the first step is to live what your preach.

     The next step is to shift your relationship with your teenager a notch or two higher. If you were close to your child before, this is the stage that you should become much closer.  This does not mean you go hug and kiss him all the time. You need to stop what you're doing and listen to your teenager's rants or woes, otherwise, he/she would look for somebody else to pour out to. You need to converse with him/her, express your opinions  and your love for him/her, and give your parental or friendly advice. In other words, keep the line of communication open. You need to be the one whom your teenager can trust and go to whenever he/she has problems. When communication is open and there is trust, you can now explain to your teen about the dangers of smoking, drugs, and alcohol and how it would hurt you to know if he did those things, not for yourself but for him. However, a parent always knows when to correct a child and to impose rules and regulations in his own household. 
     Other steps include encouraging them to join sports group or clubs in school where there are teacher-advisers who could monitor them. Another step is to invite your teen's friends to your home so that you would know them or encouraging your teen to do buddy homework or projects in your home instead of somewhere else. 

     It is true that we cannot eliminate our teen's curiosity for the things that the world tries to lure them with. But we need to be alert and sensitive so that we can prevent more damage at an early stage. Here are some of the warning signs that may guide us so we could recognize if our teen  is using drugs, alcohol or even smoking: glassy, red eyes; frequent use of eye drop; sudden weight loss; slurred speech; skin conditions; breath smells different or hair reeks of cigarette; disappearing of some possessions or petty theft in the house; paraphernalia;  new friends; and rudeness or disregard for whatever you are saying.

     Ah, do not worry. Every morning, lift your children to the Lord and He will cover them with His hedge of protection for you. But if your teen pierces through that hedge, still do not fret, because if you have done everything you can do as a parent, your teen would remember that and would always come back to you.

    

Celebrating Father's Day

FAMILY: Celebrating Father's Day

 My husband on his birthday last December, with his grandkids.

     This coming Sunday, June 20, the world will celebrate all fathers and fatherhood. Nowadays, we celebrate almost everyone--we have the Mother's Day, Grandparent's Day, Children's Day (International, Universal, and World), and of course, the Father's Day. Were these celebrations just made up by retailers and restaurateurs so that they can earn more? Well, according to Wikipedia, this a day to honor fathers, celebrate fatherhood, paternal bonds and the influence of fathers in society. Do you know that this day was not thought of by a man but by a woman named, Sonora Smart Dodd of Spokane, Washington? In 1910, this lady, whose mother died when she was 16 and was afterward taken cared of by her Dad, William Jackson Smart, together with her 5 younger brothers, heard of a preacher's sermon about the newly recognized Mother's Day and later pursued the recognition of Father's Day in honor of her own Dad. She was actually the Mother of Father's Day. So, if we count the years, this June 20th, 2010 is the Centennial (100) Year celebration of Father's Day.
    Truly, we cannot ignore the relevance of fatherhood, not only biologically or physiologically, but also, emotionally, intellectually and spiritually. Our biological Dads may not be at all perfect, but he is the one who gave his seed that we may be born and have life in this world. To many daughters who are their father's princesses, their Dads are their tower of strength and security, and the closeness of their relationship is beyond measure. To many sons, their father is their perfect example, an idol to pattern their life with, a man to look up to and a best friend to depend on. There are also fathers who are not physiologically-related to us but who are our mentors or teachers  in various areas of our life--whether it be in our education, in a special field like in sports (a coach), or in our spirituality like our ministry head or our pastor or priest. 

 Before my step-daughter Malu's wedding, the sons and daughters with spouses and some of the "apos".

     

 Here's my own Dad with his wife and my daughter, Toni

      Happy Father's Day to my husband, my Dad, and to all the fathers out there. One special father of all that we need to honor is our Father in heaven who is the Father of us all. Thank You, Father, for the fathers You have given us and blessed us with. Amen.

The Importance of Spending Time with our Children

Family : The Importance of Spending Time with our Children

 My daughter and me when we were in Bangkok two years ago. 

     My only child is now 22 years old and she just started to work in an ad agency. But it seems like it's not too long ago that she was just the baby that I cuddled in my arms and the little kid who played with her Dad. Although, I admit that when she was growing up, I wasn't always there for her and I left her to the care of her 'yaya' during the day. Well, she turned out quite well and I am really proud of her.

   The photo above  is of my step-daughter, Michele, and her family. 

The one below is of her and her eldest, Nickie, in Laiya, San Juan, Batangas.   

     There have been many set rules in parenting and one thing that every one agrees with is that you need to spend time with your children. I believe that in any relationship, even with our husband, we need to spend time together--to get to know one another, to know each other's likes and dislikes or personalities, to be able to know one another's needs and to take care of them, to be able to cry with one another in times of struggles and pain. If we need to do this with our husbands or boyfriends, how much more with our kids?

     However, many parents have been far too busy making money for their children's future that they tend to miss out on the more important things in their kids' life--the feeling of being loved, a sense of security that somebody cares for them and takes care of them, a sense of belongingness, the formation of character which is mostly from the training they get from their parent's life, the assurance that they are not alone and that they can open up to someone they can truly trust. If they do not get these from their own family, they turn to somebody else and may eventually lead to behavioral issues in the future. 

     I feel for the kids whose parents are divorced or separated because one parent is not always with them all the time. Sometimes, a parent will spend the so-called "quality time" with their kids out of guilt because they have not been with them for quite some time. To them, "quality time" means bringing them to Disneyland or doing certain activities with them. In the web page ( http://www. parenting-child-development.com/parenting-tips.html) titled "Giving Your Children the Gift of Time" by Laura Ramirez, the author pointed out that "quantity" time matters as much, if not more, than "quality" time because parents need to be a witness to their children's lives. That means creating good times, but more importantly, it means being there when things are tough and being part of his child's everyday struggles. Ms. Ramirez further recommends that parents should be accessible even when they're busy-- give your interests and attention, asking kids to help you with chores is doing things together, connect, converse with your children. She added that time spent spontaneously and given freely is a great healer of relationships. 

 My husband and me with our youngest 'apo' (grandchild), Monique

     
      How great a responsibility is parenting. Everything that a parent does for his/her kids is not for himself/herself but for the child. I know we all are not perfect as parents because sometimes we make mistakes, but who is a perfect parent? No one. But because you try your very best to be the good parent your child needs you to be, his future becomes secure and he will do for his children what you have done for him. It is the cycle of life.  

Family: Parents' Pride and Joy--Seeing their Child Graduate College

Parents' Pride and Joy--Seeing Their Child 

Graduate College

     Education is an important ingredient to lead a successful life. In the U.S. and other parts of the world, one is regarded lucky to have finished High School at all.  After that the kids are expected to work and get out of the house. College education, they say, is only for the rich and 'can-affords'. Although the cost of college education is extremely high, there are still some parents who work hard to be able to send their children to college or university, no matter how high the cost. To them, college education is the only treasure  or inheritance they could give to their children.

The moment a child is born, his parents are already looking ahead, planning for his education, or at least some parents are thinking, "How can I afford to send this kid to school?" But no matter what the situation may be, it is always a parent's goal and mission to send his kids to school. It's like an S.O.P (standard operating procedure) to parents--have children, send to school. Why not? Because as we have said, education is important, knowledge is important. It is a parent's responsibility to fill the empty cup (his child's brain)  more and more because as the cup grows, the more it should be filled. So, even when the child is taken to the day care center, he starts to learn, and he starts to associate with others. From nursery, to elementary, to high school, he acquires knowledge that is suitable for his age and to prepare him for adulthood and for tertiary education which will lead him to his chosen career, so that as he becomes a parent, himself, the cycle is repeated through him. 

     And so, whenever we watch or attend a college or university graduation, we see faces  of parents filled with tears of joy as their sons or daughters receive their diplomas, their countenance rejoicing with pride for what their children had accomplished, as if listening to their thoughts we can hear a sigh of relief knowing that their grown-up children will become professionals and will have a better and secured life as an adult. Ahh, but we also know that this sigh of relief is also for them--that they, too, have graduated from that responsibility of seeing to it that their cups were filled.

     I thank God for you, parents. Be blessed always.

    

Family: Reflections of a Middle-Aged Daughter on Her 83-Year Old Dad

Reflections of a Middle-Aged Daughter on 

Her 83-Year Old Dad

     That's me on the left, my daughter Toni, Lilia and my Dad (He's cute! 4'8", I think. But his Dad is tall but my 'Lola' is short like him.)

      Three weeks was the allotted vacation time from work given to my Dad, and tomorrow, he and his wife, Lilia, will go home to Hawaii. But I got to spend perhaps only a little more than a week with him because he had to go to Bulan, Sorsogon to visit his family and to Roxas City to visit his wife's family. It was a hectic vacation for them.

     Yes, my Dad still works at his age and still earns. He is still able to help out his family in Bicol whenever he can and send some of his 'apos' from my cousins to school. His wife, who is 3 years younger than me also works. They work hard there in Hawaii and they said they don't really have idle moments.

     With my husband, Jojo

      I used to remember my Dad coming home from work carrying multi-colored candies on  his hands giving each one of us (we're six) with a smile on his face. He became a guerilla for the U.S. army in the 2nd world war, worked his way through college and worked for the government, got two Master's degrees--one in the Philippines and the other at Manchester University in England. My mother (we called her 'Mamang') died of lung cancer at the age of 48 (although she never smoked) and Dad became a widower in 1981. He became an American citizen because he was a veteran who fought the 2nd world war for the U.S. And Lilia became his wife and has been for 16 years. 

     When I see my Dad and Lilia, how they laugh at silly jokes, how Lilia listens intently to my Dad's never-ending stories about his life and adventures, it never ceases to amaze me that love never fails at all. Truly, the hand of God is upon my Dad and I am soooo very grateful to the Lord for his life. For giving him someone who cares for him and take care of him. Unlike other 'madrastas (step-mothers), Lilia is family to us although we rarely see each other. 

With Lilia and Toni

      Together with the never-ending stories are never-ending names of the people he met, worked with, befriended and un-befriended. That's one thing I pray that I will get from my Dad--his keen memory especially of names. Although he spent nearly 8 months in the hospital for many ailments, my father still has the strength to work, to travel, and to be generous to people and enjoy life. I say, he is a success in his own right. 

     I've always remembered my Dad reading the Bible when we were young. He claims he had received Jesus as his Lord but he still goes to a Catholic church. My husband brought him to our church, Alabang New Life Christian Center, last Sunday but he had taken anti-cough medication so he felt drowsy while he was in church. Well, his time will come soon. 

     Funny how the years go by. Now I am in my golden years and yet, it's as if I am not  because my Dad is alive and kicking and God will continue to satisfy him with long life, indeed. To me, much is there to be thankful for because at his age, he is able to care for himself, to be generous to his family and to us, to share life with a special someone, to be useful and helpful to his friends and to his community. I know God will hedge him all around and his true salvation is at hand.

     Thank You, Lord, for my Dad!