Friday, June 4, 2010

Maintaining Marital Intimacy

Issues of  Life: Maintaining Marital Intimacy

     We talked about spending time with our kids in order to maintain good relationship with them. But it is their parents' relationship with one another that teaches them how to relate to their family and to other people. That is why it is important to maintain the intimacy of husband and wife, not only for their marriage but also for their children. 
   According to Thesaurus, "intimacy" means familiarity, closeness, relationship, confidence. "Marital intimacy" is often used to politely refer to sexual intercourse, but in a marriage counseling or seminar, it is often used in broader aspects of a married couple's relationship. But according to the web page, marital intimacy is a deep and rewarding connection between husband and wife which encompasses four areas of life: emotional, mental/social, spiritual, and physical. Let's see.
    In the first few years of marriage, there is usually an excitement in discovering one another--the husband can't wait to go home to see his wife and the wife is usually so engrossed in doing everything to please her husband. Romance fills the air and it seems like nothing can part them. This is also that time when they discover the negative sides of one another's personalities but they could still tolerate them or try to tolerate them.  This is that part when the emotional and physical intimacy are dominating the relationship. But after those initial years (probably around 5 years, more or less), they now speak about their likes and dislikes and may demand change or a compromised adjustment to please both. But this is also the time when they talk more, about their future and their children's future. This is the time when mental/social intimacy is more dominant. Hopefully, also during this stage, husband and wife begins to be awakened in their spirituality because they want to impart the same to their children. Much later, which kind of intimacy will be dominant in their relationship? I believe that spiritual intimacy would be dominant because this is the one thing that will keep the marriage together. To Christian married couples, marriage should not be based on feelings but it is a commitment--a covenant which a couple made with God. 
    How do we maintain our intimacy with our husbands? Or, how do we recover our affection with our husband after he betrayed our trust? How do married couples stay connected to one another? I believe that much talk is needed for us to be able to stay connected, coupled with respect. Forgiveness is essential in order to revive affection lost, but I believe also that the love of a husband and wife for one another cannot be easily erased by anything. However, pride is usually the culprit which pushes forgiveness and love aside. We must try to go back to our original intimacy. Maybe we cannot bring that spark of emotional and physical intimacy that we had in the first few years of our marriage, but we surely can try to resuscitate it by simple hugs and embrace, kisses, making your husband know that you care for him and he is still special to you. Wives must become her husband's best friend at all times because he needs to be able to turn to someone he can trust and to someone close to him. The same goes to husbands out there. 
     I'm really amazed at couples who stay close to one another even until their senior years and even until death. We think that their relationships have always been perfect but, no! Every couple go through struggles and problems in marriage. What matters is how they go through with it together and still maintain their intimacy with one another--their love for one another.


Dhemz said...

Communication is the key to a happy marriage.....:) yan ang natutunan ko in our marriage...ehehehe!

ako din, I am really amazed....kahit ala na ngipin, nagmamahalan parin....ehehehe! am so proud of my grandparents kasi they have been married for 50 long you have been married na pala te?

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